Toxic Parents: Find Out If You Are One Of Them

A statement that parents often make during the parenting process is, “We are not toxic parents.” The truth is that you are not born being a good or bad parent. Becoming a good parent is, like everything else in life, a learning process.

Becoming a parent involves leading, guiding and helping the child to develop a strong personality and become a good person. The challenge is to  achieve this without affecting your child’s individuality and emotional health.

Therefore, it is important to learn to identify the main characteristics of toxic parents. Thus, we will be able to recognize whether we are one of them or not.

Characteristics of toxic parents

1. Make negative statements

Toxic parents often tell their children negative affirmations such as, “You’re not good,” “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” or “Even if you like it, it won’t look good on you.” These types of statements become negative beliefs that are passed down from generation to generation,  causing significant emotional damage to the child.

2. Seek to reach their goals and unfinished dreams through their children

Toxic parents  tend to project onto their children the unfinished cycles, dreams or goals they failed to achieve, so they seek (unconsciously) for their children to achieve what was left unfinished.

3. Feel great discontent

When toxic parents talk to their children, they often end up with a negative phrase that devalues ​​them. In the long run, this will be the image children will have of themselves. Being offensive when talking to your children identifies you as a toxic parent.

 4. Have a  selfish attitude

Selfish parents often cause their children a lot of suffering, as they only think about them and care little for the child’s needs. The toxic parent’s priority is himself, and he puts children last.  This can affect the child’s self-esteem and cause depression.

5. Pressure their children to study a particular career

Children often study careers such as business, medicine or engineering, but end up not exercising. As time goes by, they realize that they pursued the career their parents wanted to study and couldn’t. Each person must build their life based on their own dreams.

6. Exercising too much authority

There are inflexible and intolerant parents who become aggressive. Parents who exercise excessive authority make their children feel bad, regardless of their feelings. Thus, when they reach adulthood, they become unhappy and not very spontaneous people.

7. Are overly critical

Critical parents rarely celebrate their children’s achievements.  They don’t realize that most of the time they disapprove of them, which increases and reinforces the bad behavior. They criticize, judge, censor and even condemn all the children’s actions. In this way, children become defensive, responding with hostility and distrust.

8. Are overprotective

It is appropriate to protect children from accidents or from a friend who is considered a bad influence. What makes a parent toxic is when protection becomes excessive.  For example, not letting the child go skating for fear of having an accident.

Don’t let her go to a party because you think the people who will be there are bad influences. It is normal for parents to want the best for their children, but  we must allow them to start making their decisions, as well as taking responsibility for their mistakes.

9. Have unhealthy habits

When parents have an unhealthy lifestyle, it is very likely that their children will inherit the same habits,  which will have consequences in the future. For example, when children are young and the food provided by their parents is not an adequate diet, children tend to be overweight.

Conclusion

It can be said that children are the parents’ reflection, their clearest projection. Therefore,  the best we can do is to raise them with a lot of respect, without committing any kind of abuse, trying to be the best version of parents that we can be.

If we recognize that we have limited our children in some way and don’t allow them to develop comprehensively, then we are toxic parents.