The Bigger The Wound, The More Particular The Pain

The greater the wound, the more private the suffering becomes and the more alone the person feels. Because the expression of negative emotions is often silenced, hidden, which prevents us from communicating the pain we feel to others.

We refer to those events that, throughout the life cycle, left a traumatic imprint on memory. These are adverse experiences to which we are unable to react. Coping is diminished and behavior itself is conditioned.

Furthermore, it should be noted that these wounds are experienced differently depending on the stage of development at which they occur. For example, a child does not have the personal resources to deal with harm, aggression or disappointment.

However, there is a common aspect regardless of the individual’s age. The more intense the trauma, the greater the feeling of loneliness. We invite you to reflect on this.

The bigger the wound…

A betrayal, a disappointment, the emotional pain that someone caused us… All this breaks the balance and the perception that we had until now of what was ‘reliable’, of what gave us well-being

But what are the criteria for identifying these wounds? How do they affect us and what other consequences arise from these events?

What are the conditions for trauma?

Although the origin and context in which the damage occurs varies, some general characteristics can be distinguished in these types of events:

• The break with the basic feeling of security : for example, those who matter to us betray us. With that, we lost the basic pillars that offered us security in our daily lives.

• Lack of affective interaction : this circumstance is frequent when parents do not establish an attachment bond with their children. It is also common in couples where one member does not feel the support and affection of the partner. They are voids that leave a deep wound.
• The presence of certain aggressions : these are damages that affect both physical and psychological aspects. For example, violating someone’s rights or will can have important consequences.

How do these traumatic experiences affect us?

The impact of an attack, emotional impairment or security breach has a direct impact on the body. Thus, an emotional wound of this type creates a continuous alert situation for the brain.

Fear, distrust and anxiety set in. Other signs such as insomnia, tiredness, irritability and mood swings end up giving name to what is known as post-traumatic stress.

Furthermore, although each person has a specific symptomatology, at a neurological level there are some chemical and structural changes that characterize this disease. A study published in 2018 by a group of researchers at Yale University (United States) points to this.

The bigger the wound, the greater the feeling of loneliness

As the emotional damage is more intense, the person is more likely to be isolated. In these cases, the affected person has sensations such as the following:

• She feels that no one understands what is happening, what she is suffering from.

• She finds herself alone amid an amalgamation of fears she cannot express.
• Discomfort also translates into physical signs such as tiredness, listlessness, muscle and headache pain.
• All these difficulties lead to a ‘disconnect’ with the surroundings.

As we can see, it’s not so easy to share emotional wounds. We can comment on how bad the day was, the argument we had with someone… Now, revealing to others that a partner humiliates us or that we were abandoned as children is more complicated.

dealing with emotional wounds

Negative emotions provide information that helps us to reorient the path, to rebuild us.

• Being sad, dejected or full of anger can paralyze us at any given time, but the solution is to react and act on it.
• Nobody is weak for asking for help, for saying they’re not well, or for talking about what’s holding them back.

Although the wound has not completely healed, it is possible to live again happily and without so much pain. Wounds heal, covered with new expectations, with the support of those who love us…

The past, then, is left behind and the present envelops us with a blanket of enthusiasm.